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They’re doing it like people…
17 May
Meanwhile, all the other rabbits are just making out like people while I’m here waiting for what… the Easter Bunny?
The Devil made me play it…
17 May
Just let me hear some of that rock ‘n’ roll music, any old way you choose it…
Is it ennui or am I just hungry?
13 May
Damn! I thought I’d feel better on the weekend. But I still have this empty feeling. Is it ennui or am I just hungry? Maybe I need a sandwich. Or maybe I should see an astrologer.
Great Expectorations, by Dr. Charles Dickens (humor)
2 MayA young man of no prospects goes to the big City where, thanks to poor urban planning and non-existent labor rights, he suffers a multitude of bronchial infections brought on by smoke, pollution, fungus and virus.
Pip, an orphan of poor prospects, can’t complete his apprenticeship in a blacksmith shop because of an allergy to horseshit. His patron uncle sends him to London to live with the reclusive Miss Havisham who, jilted many years ago on her wedding day, still wears her bridal gown. Her wedding cake, which she’s saved all these years, has turned to mold and infected the entire house.
Pip falls in love with Estella, a beautiful young girl with a phlegmy cough. Pip has a nasty reaction to the fungus in the house and develops a bronchial infection whose coughing nearly turns his lungs inside out. Miss Havisham takes an interest in Pip’s future and introduces him to better society. In their company, Pip takes up smoking, which further aggravates his cough. Some of his newfound friends take to calling him “Spit”. When his sister dies of coal cough, a common ailment among residents of poorly-ventilated homes, Pip goes home for her funeral.
Returning to London, he’s approached by the convict Magwitch whom he’d helped escape from chains many years ago. Magwitch, who’s made a fortune running an opium den in Australia, is back in England seeking medical attention for viral pneumonia, but wants to bequeath part of his fortune to Pip. Soon after, Pip learns that Miss Havisham has been secretly planning to marry his beloved Estella off to a rival suitor, and they quarrel bitterly. Miss Havisham’s dress catches on fire and Pip is only able to save her by ripping her dress off. Exposed, Miss Havisham is traumatized and falls into a catatonic state. Magwitch is captured by the police and sentenced to die.
While visiting him in his damp prison cell, Pip develops an allergic reaction to moldy rodent droppings, and falls seriously ill. He spends a month in hospital, wracked by violent coughs, filling spittoons with fragments of his ravaged lungs. When he recovers enough to travel, Pip relocates to the dry climate of Cairo for eleven years. When he returns to London a rich man, he finds Estella now a widow with a mild case of whooping cough, and he rekindles their friendship by gifting her with a family-size bottle of expectorant.
Mercury Retrograde Sex
21 Apr20 ways to show the love during Mercury Rx…
As an astrologer, I get a lot of calls this time of year from clients asking whether it’s appropriate to have sex while Mercury is retrograde. For these three weeks, they worry their guy won’t be able to get his mojo working, or if he does, the condom will catch on fire, or even if it doesn’t, she won’t get no satisfaction… People wonder, maybe it’s not worth trying at all?
Nonsense. Don’t let that schizophrenic little planet dictate your sex life. Learn to work with it. During retrograde periods, simply honor Mercury by invoking the classic themes associated with the trickster planet. Follow these practical guidelines and you’re guaranteed to get off to a good start:
Have phone sex. Gemini loves to talk, and Virgo hates a mess anyway. Call up a friend and tell them how you like it.
Start a sex diary. Even if you’re not getting it regularly now, you’ll probably enjoy reliving a few memories from your college days.
Read erotica, alone or to each other – Anais Nin, The Joy of Sex, Henry Miller, the Kama Sutra. Not at your book club, or you’ll be getting home late.
Sext someone. Show your love with proper spelling and grammar. Nothing betrays lack of class like a note at the end saying, Did u cum 2?
Use your hands. Mercury is notoriously ambidextrous, so if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. Even if it’s only you.
Restrict the senses. Wear a blindfold and earplugs to rediscover the other senses – smell, taste, touch and shameless gratification.
Dive headfirst into a wet dream. Love is an illusion anyway, so go deep, go surreal or go home alone.
Take a Sex Ed course, demand extra homework and ask for private tutoring. You just might become the next teacher’s pet.
Do it with mirrors. Mercury is all about duplication and self-reflection. Even if you don’t live in California, you two can make a foursome.
Do it in cars, boats, trains, planes, bunk beds, elevators, libraries, bookstores or stationery supply rooms. Be careful on the photocopier.
Record yourself in bed. If you don’t look that great on video, try a podcast. On audio everyone will think you’re just a cat in heat anyway.
Let other people watch. Except your kids, unless you can afford several years of therapy for their wounded psyches.
You don’t have to wait for the weekend. Wednesday is hump day.
Renew your marriage vows in Vegas, just for the second honeymoon sex.
If you live in the Appalachians, share your love with a sibling, cousin or uncle.
Do it with twins. Geminis come in pairs, so why shouldn’t you?
Dance the night away. It might take two to tango, but if you still wanna, you can always lambada — down and dirty on the dancefloor.
Mercury loves games of logic and skill, so try your hand at strip poker — Texas Shuck ‘em, deuces wild.
Confess your cardinal sins to someone who has none.
If you want to get ahead, give a little.
~~~~~~~~~
Alan Annand is an astrologer as well as a writer of humor and crime fiction. His Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten tickled the funny bone of astrological aficionados everywhere. His New Age Noir series (Scorpio Rising, Felonious Monk, Soma County) features astrologer Axel Crowe, whom one reviewer dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.”
Websites: www.navamsa.com, www.sextile.com
Not waiting for Godot any longer…
13 Apr
Samuel Beckett, author of Waiting for Godot, is now tired of waiting, and is coming to get Godot, and boy, is he going to get it!
Mercury retrograde: useless for three weeks..?
10 Apr
Alan Annand is a Canadian astrologer, accredited by the American College of Vedic Astrology and the British Faculty of Astrological Studies. He consults, teaches and writes on a wide range of astrological topics.
His NEW AGE NOIR crime series (Scorpio Rising, Felonious Monk, Soma County) features astrologer and palmist Axel Crowe, whom one reviewer has dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.”
His books on Vedic astrology include Stellar Astrology, Vols 1 & 2, a series of articles on celebrities and world events that are as entertaining as they are educational, offering many techniques for interpretation and prediction. Parivartana Yoga is a reference text for one of the most common yet powerful planetary combinations in jyotish.
Mutual Reception is an expanded companion volume for western practitioners, covering the subject of planetary exchange through the lens of traditional astrology.
BOOKS by astrologer & writer ALAN ANNAND:
http://www.amazon.com/Alan-Annand/e/B0052MM0PO
https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/alan-annand/id442957999
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/c/alan-annand
Follow Alan on :
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