“I am simple, complex, generous, selfish, unattractive, beautiful, lazy, and driven.”
~ Barbra Streisand, b. 24 April 1942
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Vladimir Nabokov (b. April 22): “I think like a genius, speak like a child.”
22 Apr
Vladimir Nabokov, born 22 April 1899 and died 2 July 1977, was a Russian-American novelist who was praised for his use of complex and original plots, and clever alliteration and wordplay. Nabokov’s Lolita is his most famous novel. He was a finalist for the National Book Award for Fiction seven times, but never won it. He also made serious contributions as a lepidopterist and chess composer.
Quotes on writing:
- I don’t think in any language. I think in images.
- The more you love a memory, the stronger and stranger it is.
- Literature and butterflies are the two sweetest passions known to man.
- Style and structure are the essence of a book; great ideas are hogwash.
- I think like a genius, I write like a distinguished author, I speak like a child.
- A writer should have the precision of a poet and the imagination of a scientist.
- Nothing revives the past so completely as a smell that was once associated with it.
- Knowing you have something good to read before bed is among the most pleasurable of sensations.
- Lolita is famous, not me. I am an obscure, doubly obscure, novelist with an unpronounceable name.
- The writer’s job is to get the main character up a tree, and then once they are up there, throw rocks at them.
- Turning one’s novel into a movie script is rather like making a series of sketches for a painting that has long ago been finished and framed.
- The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible.
- My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. My pleasures are the most intense known to man: writing and butterfly hunting.
- There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity.
Mercury Retrograde Sex
21 Apr20 ways to show the love during Mercury Rx…
As an astrologer, I get a lot of calls this time of year from clients asking whether it’s appropriate to have sex while Mercury is retrograde. For these three weeks, they worry their guy won’t be able to get his mojo working, or if he does, the condom will catch on fire, or even if it doesn’t, she won’t get no satisfaction… People wonder, maybe it’s not worth trying at all?
Nonsense. Don’t let that schizophrenic little planet dictate your sex life. Learn to work with it. During retrograde periods, simply honor Mercury by invoking the classic themes associated with the trickster planet. Follow these practical guidelines and you’re guaranteed to get off to a good start:
Have phone sex. Gemini loves to talk, and Virgo hates a mess anyway. Call up a friend and tell them how you like it.
Start a sex diary. Even if you’re not getting it regularly now, you’ll probably enjoy reliving a few memories from your college days.
Read erotica, alone or to each other – Anais Nin, The Joy of Sex, Henry Miller, the Kama Sutra. Not at your book club, or you’ll be getting home late.
Sext someone. Show your love with proper spelling and grammar. Nothing betrays lack of class like a note at the end saying, Did u cum 2?
Use your hands. Mercury is notoriously ambidextrous, so if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. Even if it’s only you.
Restrict the senses. Wear a blindfold and earplugs to rediscover the other senses – smell, taste, touch and shameless gratification.
Dive headfirst into a wet dream. Love is an illusion anyway, so go deep, go surreal or go home alone.
Take a Sex Ed course, demand extra homework and ask for private tutoring. You just might become the next teacher’s pet.
Do it with mirrors. Mercury is all about duplication and self-reflection. Even if you don’t live in California, you two can make a foursome.
Do it in cars, boats, trains, planes, bunk beds, elevators, libraries, bookstores or stationery supply rooms. Be careful on the photocopier.
Record yourself in bed. If you don’t look that great on video, try a podcast. On audio everyone will think you’re just a cat in heat anyway.
Let other people watch. Except your kids, unless you can afford several years of therapy for their wounded psyches.
You don’t have to wait for the weekend. Wednesday is hump day.
Renew your marriage vows in Vegas, just for the second honeymoon sex.
If you live in the Appalachians, share your love with a sibling, cousin or uncle.
Do it with twins. Geminis come in pairs, so why shouldn’t you?
Dance the night away. It might take two to tango, but if you still wanna, you can always lambada — down and dirty on the dancefloor.
Mercury loves games of logic and skill, so try your hand at strip poker — Texas Shuck ‘em, deuces wild.
Confess your cardinal sins to someone who has none.
If you want to get ahead, give a little.
~~~~~~~~~
Alan Annand is an astrologer as well as a writer of humor and crime fiction. His Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten tickled the funny bone of astrological aficionados everywhere. His New Age Noir series (Scorpio Rising, Felonious Monk, Soma County) features astrologer Axel Crowe, whom one reviewer dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.”
Websites: www.navamsa.com, www.sextile.com
James Franco (b. April 19): “You want to be interesting? Be interested.”
19 Apr
James Franco (born 19 April 1978) is an American actor, director, screenwriter, producer, teacher, author and poet. His books include Palo Alto, Actors Anonymous: A Novel, and A California Childhood. Franco has also written, directed and starred in several short plays, two of which — Fool’s Gold and The Ape — he adapted into feature-length films. He wrote and directed the film Good Time Max.
Quotes:
- You want to be interesting? Be interested.
- They say living well is the best revenge but sometimes writing well is even better.
- Sometimes it’s painful to be oneself; at other times it seems impossible to escape oneself.
- Always have one artistic thing that is pure, at least one thing, where you don’t compromise. You can do other things to make money, but have one pure area.
- Make your characters interested in something. Striving for something. In need of something. Good at something. This will make them likeable and interesting.
- You also need love. Your characters need to love something, otherwise they will be unlovable.
- I’m a huge Cormac McCarthy fan and have read every book of his.
Alexandra Adornetto (b. April 18): “The crucial factor is the opening sentence.”
18 Apr
Alexandra Adornetto, born 18 April 1993, is an Australian author who writes for children and young adults. Her works include The Strangest Adventures series, the Halo trilogy and The Ghost House Saga.
Quotes on writing:
- It’s a tough industry, but don’t be put off. I believe if you want something badly enough and you’re willing to work at it, then you’ll succeed.
- I do chapter breakdowns so I know vaguely what’s going to happen in each one. All I need to know is the basic outline of what’s going to happen and the story tends to write itself.
- The best advice I can give [aspiring writers] is to believe in their work. I think that’s the key as well as being receptive to criticism and feedback. That’s the only way to really develop your skills as a writer.
- When you open a book and take a first hesitant glance at the page before you, the crucial factor that determines whether to continue reading or disregard the book in disappointment is the opening sentence.
- I was not too impressed with human language; it seemed absurdly limited. There was so much that couldn’t be put into words. That was one of the saddest things about people – their most important thoughts and feelings often went unspoken.
Victoria Beckham (b. April 17): “As a performer you’re a celebrity, but you’re not saving lives.”
17 Apr
“You have to remember that when you are a performer you become a celebrity, but you are not saving lives. It’s not that important.”
~ Victoria Beckham, b. 17 April 1974
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Kingsley Amis (b. April 16): “If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing.”
16 Apr
Kingsley Amis (born 16 April 1922, died 22 October 1995) was an English novelist, poet, critic, and teacher. He wrote more than 20 novels, six volumes of poetry, a memoir, various short stories, radio and television scripts, and social and literary criticism. He was the father of English novelist Martin Amis.
Quotes:
- If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing.
- No wonder people are so horrible when they start life as children.
- The novelist always has favorites, and often he’s a minor character.
- Laziness has become the chief characteristic of journalism, displacing incompetence.
- It is natural and harmless in English to use a preposition to end a sentence with.
- Writing for me is to a large extent self-entertainment, and an only child is driven to do that.
- No writer, especially a young and unknown writer, resents publicity of any kind – whatever he may say.
- You can’t imagine how much I miss the intellectual stimulus of teaching English literature to young people. More than I ever realized – I do miss it.
- I don’t get up very early. I linger over breakfast reading the papers, telling myself hypocritically that I’ve got to keep up with what’s going on, but really staving off the dreadful time when I have to go to the typewriter. Then I go on until about eight-thirty PM and I always hate stopping.
- I’ve been trying to write for as long as I can remember. But those first 15 years didn’t produce much of great interest. I mean, it embarrasses me very much to look back on my early poems – very few lines of any merit at all and lots of affectation. But there were quite a lot of them. That’s a point in one’s favor.
Jeffrey Archer (b. April 15): “There’s no substitute for reading great novelists.”
15 Apr
Jeffrey Archer, born 15 April 1940, is an English author and former politician. His books, starting with Kane and Abel, have sold at least 250 million copies worldwide.
Jeffrey Archer’s top 10 writing tips:
- Make time. “Decide when you’re going to write. Don’t be casual and only do it as and when it suits you. Don’t think you can write a novel after you’ve done a hard day’s work, it’s insulting to those professional novelists who spend their time doing nothing else.”
- Be disciplined. “For example, I write from 6-8am, 10-12am, 2-4pm, 6-8pm. I keep that routine up for 40-50 days and handwrite every word. I then take a break and go back to it again a month later.”
- Write what you know. “Don’t do vampires, wizards or ghosts because they’re in fashion. Jane Austen wrote about family life in a small village and gave us six of the greatest novels ever written.”
- Get some fresh air. “I go for two long walks between sessions, for two reasons, physical and mental. The plot will buzz around in your mind while you are walking, continually churning over, which it can’t be while you’re actually writing.”
- Do several drafts. “Do not imagine that the first draft of your book is the one that will be published. My latest novel, The Sins of the Father, was 14 drafts and took approximately 1000 hours.”
- Be flexible. “If you think of something better half-way through the writing process, don’t be frightened to go back and incorporate it or even change the story completely.”
- Seek opinions from professionals. “When you want an opinion on what you consider the finished script, seek it from a professional editor, an agent or someone you don’t know, through a third party. Do not seek an opinion from your wife, husband, partner, mistress or close friend. They will lie.”
- Read the greats. “There is no substitute for reading great novelists, and instead of just enjoying their craft, think carefully about how they’ve achieved it. Do they spend pages on description, do they move the story on quickly, how do they make you turn the page? It’s all there in front of you if you look carefully, so at least when you try to do it, you have analysed how successful authors have managed it in the past.”
- Stay fit. “If the body is a physical wreck – too much drinking, smoking, late nights – how can you expect the written word to be anything less than drunken, useless and tired?”
- Don’t give up. “My first novel, Not a Penny More, Not a Penny Less, was turned down by 14 publishers, ended up with an advance of £3,000 and on first printing took a year to sell 3,000 copies. It is still extremely rare for a first book to be a best-seller.”
Not waiting for Godot any longer…
13 Apr
Samuel Beckett, author of Waiting for Godot, is now tired of waiting, and is coming to get Godot, and boy, is he going to get it!
Eudora Welty (b. Apr 13): “If you haven’t surprised yourself, you haven’t written.”
13 Apr
Eudora Welty (born 13 April 1909, died 23 July 2001) was an American author of short stories and novels about the American South. Her novel The Optimist’s Daughter won the Pulitzer Prize in 1973.
Quotes:
- Human life is fiction’s only theme.
- If you haven’t surprised yourself, you haven’t written.
- A good snapshot keeps a moment from running away.
- It doesn’t matter if it takes a long time getting there; the point is to have a destination.
- Learning to write may be part of learning to read. For all I know, writing comes out of a superior devotion to reading.
- I’m a writer who came from a sheltered life. A sheltered life can be a daring life as well. For all serious daring starts from within.
- Writing a story or a novel is one way of discovering sequence in experience, of stumbling upon cause and effect in the happenings of a writer’s own life.
- It had been startling and disappointing to me to find out that story books had been written by people, that books were not natural wonders, coming up of themselves like grass.
- Gardening is akin to writing stories. No experience could have taught me more about grief or flowers, about achieving survival by going, your fingers in the ground, the limit of physical exhaustion.
- Long before I wrote stories, I listened for stories. Listening for them is something more acute than listening to them. I suppose it’s an early form of participation in what goes on. Listening children know stories are there. When their elders sit and begin, children are just waiting and hoping for one to come out, like a mouse from its hole.
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