Original ecard by Alan Annand, writer and astrologer.
Tags: cannibals
Smitten by the Mitten!
21 Jun
Since Friday the 13th when I posted the Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten, I’ve been gratified and horrified by the high degree of interest shown in this cocoon-like garment. Are we that scared of the world? Clearly, I touched a nerve. Do we all need shrinks? Or just a body mitten? Continue reading
The early Beatles: John, Paul, George & Bingo
18 Jun
This rare archival photo, from the Library of Liverpool, shows the earliest-known photo of the Beatles. Shown here are John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and William “Bingo” Murphy. Murphy, who fancied himself a vocalist in the style of Frank Sinatra, played no instrument and wasn’t interested in learning. The other band members, already observing the early trend in skiffle and rockabilly, knew they needed a drummer.
Within a year, Bingo was replaced by Richard “Ringo” Starkey. Murphy was furious and tried to get his father, a barrister, to launch a breach-of-promise suit against the group, then known as The Swinging Stevedores, in order to be reinstated. But when John Lennon came up with a new name for the group, Murphy, who was absolutely terrified of bugs, knew he could never be part of The Beatles.
http://pinterest.com/pin/39406565462553171/
PS… Happy Birthday, Sir Paul McCartney!
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This was a faux news item from Alan Annand, writer and astrologer.
(c) SEXTILE: It might not be true, but you heard it here first!
Jim Dine (b. June 16): “I do not think that obsession is funny…”
16 Jun
“I do not think that obsession is funny or that not being able to stop one’s intensity is funny.”
~ Jim Dine, 16 June 1935
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/39406565464327198/
The world’s most interesting astrologer: stellar advice
16 Jun
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Alan Annand is an astrologer and writer of crime fiction, including his New Age Noir series featuring astrologer and palmist Axel Crowe, a criminal profiler with a horoscope.
Read reviews for Scorpio Rising, buy it at:
Amazon, Apple, Barnes&Noble, Smashwords
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Book review: The Experiencers by Val Tobin
14 Jun
For anyone who’s ever lent credence to the notion that aliens visit Earth, The Experiencers by Val Tobin is frighteningly real. Michael Valiant is a black ops assassin for a government agency that shields alien presence from public knowledge by silencing UFO researchers who know they are here among us. Carolyn Fairchild is a psychic medium who functions as a sort of spotter for her local research group, and when they see something they shouldn’t, Valiant and his partner are dispatched to shut them up before they blog about it.
Just when Carolyn’s group starts having fatal accidents at the agency’s hands, Valiant has a crisis of faith. He’s discovered our government is in league with the alien “establishment”, with the joint goal of global subjugation. But Valiant learns there’s a rebel alien base in a wilderness park, whose mission is to work with the people, not against them. So instead of killing Carolyn, Valiant enlists her help to find the base. Now the agency wants them both dead before they reach the rebels.
The Experiencers is written with a deft hand, and well-paced between thoughtful character development and straight-on action scenes. Lurking in the background is some entirely plausible bleeding edge technology. The few psychic episodes are both real and out there. And for the tender-hearted, there are a couple of poignantly human sex scenes between two people thrown together by fate and accepting it. Meanwhile, pursued by government men with stones where their hearts should be…
Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten
13 Jun
Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten!
Feeling wobbly, forgetful, and introverted during this Mercury retrograde cycle? This can be a great time for renewal and self-reflection. The Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten (TM) is designed specifically to contain and counteract the powerful negative mental and energetic effects of Mercury retrograde.
Each body mitten is hand-knitted by celibate Virgos using hypo-allergenic squirrel wool inter-woven with strands of unicorn hair that were marinated in lavender oil infused with emerald powder. This energetic matrix provides a comfortable and fashionable garment to create an aware and stable personal environment before, during, and after Mercury retrograde.
Production of our body mittens follows a strict process of spiritual guidance, prayer, and attunement to the planet. After knitting, garments are dyed a limited range of peaceful colors (aquamarine, blue, green, mauve, teal) in a solution of Clematis, Narcissus, and White Chestnut flower essences to help ground thoughts and calm an over-stimulated mind.
The communication port located equidistant between the crown and throat chakras helps to release ideas and thoughts through communication, while the grounding port located below the base chakra allows optional access to reality, and discreet bodily functions, as required.
Mercury Retrograde Body Mittens come in several sizes. If you have a moderate-sized neurosis, just slip into our Mer-X size model, and you’ll immediately feel comforted by the warm sense of enclosure and protection the body mitten provides.
For New Age devotees crippled by more complex anxieties, say, involving both Mercurophobia and claustrophobia, you might want to consider our Mer-XL model which gives you greater freedom to thrash around inside your own little insular world.
And for co-dependent reality-denial couples, nothing says “I honor the neurotic me I see reflected in you” better than our Mer-2XL model, which features an inner partition liner (not shown) for couples who want to enjoy togetherness without actual physical contact.
Note: the Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten is not suitable for children, animals or the elderly with mobility problems. It is, however, eminently suitable for breastfeeding mothers in arch-conservative environments.
The Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten: when the world gets too scary for three weeks at a time, you’re safe in your own little world.
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PS… For a post-script on the Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten phenomenon that has tickled the fancy of so many readers around the world, please see my subsequent post, Smitten by the Mitten.
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PPS… This was tongue-in-cheek, but such garments do exist, although I have absolutely no commercial interest in their retail. I imagine you can acquire one for yourself or a Mercury-phobic loved one by following my own chain of discovery, via Pinterest, AnOther magazine and Angela Crews E-shop Agency.
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© Sextile: It might not be true, but you heard it here first.
Alan Annand is an astrologer and author of several crime novels and three astrology books. His New Age Noir series features astrologer and palmist Axel Crowe, a criminal profiler with a horoscope.
Amazon, Apple, Barnes&Noble, Kobo, Smashwords
When Mercury Goes Retro
11 JunWhen Mercury Goes Retro
The scene opens on the downtown office of famous psychotherapist Dr. Chiron. The doctor, in his sixties and sporting the obligatory goatee of his profession, sits behind a desk that bears a statue of Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders. On the walls are pictures of Sigmund Freud, Dane Rudhyar, Carl Jung and Liz Greene. Interspersed among them are pictures of clients, or rejects from a Diane Arbus exhibit, we don’t know which.
Enter Mercury, a twitchy metrosexual with a cup of takeout coffee in one hand and a copy of Wired in the other. He sinks into the deep leather chair opposite Dr. Chiron’s desk and releases a heavy world-weary sigh, not unlike that of a moose who’s finally been run to ground by wolves.
Dr. Chiron: And how are we doing this week?
Mercury: I’m at the end of my rope.
Dr. Chiron: What seems to be the problem?
Mercury: It’s déjà vu, all over again.
Dr. Chiron: Don’t quote Yogi Berra, speak from your own heart.
Mercury: I’m tired of being blamed for everything.
Dr. Chiron: I feel your pain. Share with me.
Mercury: It’s like a recurring nightmare. Every time I go retrograde, people lay every misfortune at my doorstep. I’m afraid to step outside. There’s so much vilification piled on my lawn that the City’s assigned a special garbage truck just to haul away all the crap that people are dumping on me.
Dr. Chiron: Metaphorically speaking, of course…
Mercury: No. I’m literal as hell, and I can’t take it any more. If the computer crashes, I’m the virus. If the flight’s cancelled, I’m the technical difficulty. If there’s a labor strike, I’m the instigator. If the stock market falls, I’m the bad news bear. I can’t even take the subway to work any more. You should see the looks I get when the train’s late. I can hear them muttering under their breath as they give me dirty looks across the platform. He’s at it again, the little weasel.
Dr. Chiron: Look, you’re not alone. Friday the 13th has a public relations problem too.
Mercury: Don’t patronize me. Friday’s got it made in the shade compared to me. People love Friday. “TGIF,” they say, like a prayer that’s been answered. You know what Friday’s associated with? Dinner, drinks, dancing and the dirty deed. But do you ever hear anyone say, thank God it’s Mercury retrograde?
Dr. Chiron: Not in my 30 years of practice.
Mercury: And why not, I ask you? Mercury retrograde is good for lots of stuff. One-sixth of humanity is born with Mercury retrograde. Does that make us all villains? Many of us are academics, artists, business people, designers, geniuses, models, writers, scientists. Why does the world hate us just because it looks like we’re going against the tide? (sniffles)
Dr. Chiron: (nudging the Kleenex in Mercury’s direction) Don’t take it so personally.
Mercury: Can you blame me? Look, the facts are pretty obvious. I only go retrograde three times a year, for about twenty days at a shot. That’s sixty days out of the year. And yet, when I’m retrograde, it’s like every Tom, Dickie and Harriet goes on red alert, looking for a disaster to blame on me. Come on, people, get a life. Was I retrograde when the twin towers went down? No. When the Indonesian tsunami rolled in? No. When Katrina drowned New Orleans? No.
Dr. Chiron: I guess most people overlooked that.
Mercury: Lucky for me, else I would have been burned at the stake. But my reputation’s ruined anyway. You know how hard it is for me to get a date, to hold a job? As soon as something goes wrong, it’s my fault. Just because I occasionally go retrograde doesn’t mean I’m a pervert or a saboteur. Except for the luminaries, all of the other planets do it, but does anyone ever blame anything on them?
Dr. Chiron: Unfortunately, you seem to have been type-cast.
Mercury: Well, I’m tired of being everyone’s astrological whipping boy. Let’s share the blame. Consider the astronomical data. In any given year, both Venus and Mars are retrograde for more than a month or two, respectively. Jupiter and Saturn are walking backward for four months. And those outer planets, they’re all in reverse for five months at a stretch! And nobody points a finger at any of them! But let me turn my back for just three weeks, and suddenly it’s open season for Mercury-bashing.
Dr. Chiron: (looking at his watch) I’m sorry, but our time is up. Shall we schedule a few follow-up sessions?
Mercury: Sure. (turning on his BlackBerry) Same time next Wednesday?
Dr. Chiron: Sorry, we’ll have to skip the next three weeks.
Mercury: Why? You’re on vacation?
Dr. Chiron: No. You’ll be retrograde.
Mercury: AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!
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Alan Annand is a Canadian astrologer, a graduate of the American College of Vedic Astrology and the British Faculty of Astrological Studies. He’s written two books on Vedic astrology: Stellar Astrology, a collection of astrological techniques, in-depth celebrity profiles, and analysis of mundane events, and Parivartana Yoga, a reference text for one of the most common yet powerful planetary combinations in Jyotish.
He’s also a writer of crime fiction, including his NEW AGE NOIR series (Scorpio Rising, Felonious Monk, Soma County) featuring astrologer and palmist Axel Crowe, whom one reviewer has dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.”
Websites: http://www.navamsa.com, http://www.sextile.com
You can find his books on Amazon, Apple, Barnes&Noble, Kobo and Smashwords.
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