Blues Tutorial #20.
I don’t care how tragic your life – if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don’t care.
http://pinterest.com/pin/39406565462572003/
Blues Tutorial #19.
Make your own blues name (starter kit):
(a) name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc)
(b) first name (above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc)
(c) last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc)
Resulting in… Blind Lemon Jefferson, Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, Horny Banana Clinton, etc.
http://pinterest.com/pin/39406565462507603/
Blues Tutorial #18.
Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can’t sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
http://pinterest.com/pin/39406565462475196/
Blues Tutorial #17:
Some acceptable blues names for men: (a) Joe, (b) Willie, (c) Little Willie, (d) Big Willie.
http://pinterest.com/pin/39406565462436282/
Blues Tutorial #16:
Some acceptable blues names for women: (a) Sadie, (b) Big Mama, (c) Bessie, (d) Fat River Dumpling.
http://pinterest.com/pin/39406565462414082/
Blues Tutorial #15:
If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can’t have a blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
http://pinterest.com/pin/39406565462388233/
Blues Tutorial #14:
If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it’s the blues. Other acceptable blues beverages are: (a) wine, (b) whiskey or bourbon, (c) muddy water, (d) black coffee.
The following are NOT blues beverages: (a) mixed drinks, (b) kosher wine, (c) Snapple, (d) sparkling water.
http://pinterest.com/pin/39406565462264849/
Blues Tutorial #13:
Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
http://pinterest.com/pin/39406565462226736/
Blues Tutorial #12:
You have the right to sing the blues if: (a) you’re older than dirt, (b) you’re blind, (c) you shot a man in Memphis, (d) you can’t be satisfied.
But you ain’t got the right to sing the blues if: (a) you have all your teeth, (b) you were once blind but now can see, (c) the man in Memphis lived, (d) you have a retirement plan or trust fund.
http://pinterest.com/pin/39406565462205111/
Blues Tutorial #11:
No one will believe it’s the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
http://pinterest.com/pin/39406565462191439/
Sextile 