Blues Tutorial #12:
You have the right to sing the blues if: (a) you’re older than dirt, (b) you’re blind, (c) you shot a man in Memphis, (d) you can’t be satisfied.
But you ain’t got the right to sing the blues if: (a) you have all your teeth, (b) you were once blind but now can see, (c) the man in Memphis lived, (d) you have a retirement plan or trust fund.
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Blues Tutorial #11:
No one will believe it’s the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
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Blues Tutorial #10:
Good places for the blues: (a) highway, (b) jailhouse, (c) empty bed, (d) bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places: (a) ashrams, (b) gallery openings, (c) Ivy League institutions, (d) golf courses.
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Blues Tutorial #9:
You can’t have no blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is all wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
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Blues Tutorial #8:
A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg ‘cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.
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Blues Tutorial #7:
Blues can take place in New York but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Havin’ hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St.Louis & Kansas City still the best places to have the blues. You can’t have the blues in any place that don’t get rain.
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Blues Tutorial #6:
Teenagers can’t sing the blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet. Adults sing the blues. In blues, “adulthood” means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
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Blues Tutorial #5:
Blues cars are Chevys, Cadillacs & broken-down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Most blues take a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft & state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.
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Blues Tutorial #3.
The blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes… sort of:
“Got a good woman – with the meanest face in town.
Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher – and she weigh 500 pound.”
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Blues Tutorial #2:
“I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the blues, ‘less you stick something nasty in the next line, like “I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.”
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Sextile 