Original eCard courtesy Alan Annand, writer and astrologer
Tags: #aacards, #astrologer, heavenly bodies, world's most interesting astrologer
I was digging a hole for a body the other night and I got to thinking, why does everyone seem to hate Scorpios? So I leaned on my shovel and asked my partner Sybil who was helping me dig, “Why does everyone hate us?”
“By us, you mean stone-cold killers?” she said.
“No, I mean Scorpios.”
“Oh, that again.”
We’d had this discussion before. By a twist of fate, we’d been thrown together seven years ago, having survived an attack of killer bees on a nature hike in Arizona. We’d both been stung dozens of times, and half our party had died of anaphylactic shock. But apparently we’d had good immune systems. After a couple of days in hospital, we were discharged.
We’d gone out for lunch and over drinks got to comparing life stories. Turns out we were both triple Scorpios – ascendant, sun and moon. Bad to the bone. We decided to buy a bottle of tequila, score some local weed and rent a motel. I could tell you the rest but that would just be pornographic.
“Seriously, why do they hate us?”
“From my point of view,” she said, “it’s because you never tell the truth. You’re sneaky. You’re always doing things behind my back.”
“Baby, I’m hurt. You know that’s not true.”
“Then you play the victim, just so you can manipulate me. You don’t play nice. You’re a sociopath.”
“Play nice? This coming from the Chameleon Queen?” I had to defend myself, because Scorpios never back down. “You blow hot and cold one minute to the next. You ask to be left alone, next thing you’re sexting some guy on the phone. I call you out, and you get all nasty with me.”
“You’re nosy. You’re always snooping around my business.”
“Monkey business isn’t a real occupation, except for you.”
“You’re sarcastic and mean.”
“I just tell the truth. Straight up. On the rocks, baby.”
“You have zero empathy for others. You could watch a person die and not lift a finger, unless it was to check their wallet or cop a feel.”
“I give everybody one chance, but one chance only. If you can’t stand on your own after I’ve helped you up, I’ve got no use for you.”
“Except when you want to jump my bones.”
“I swear, it’s never even my idea. I think you got some little voodoo doll of me in your drawers, you take it out and start jerking it off. Next thing I know I’m lapping tequila shots out of your navel.”
“C’mon, admit it. You’ve got sex on the brain. I look at you, I see a 24/7 woodie.”
“Maybe so, but it’s not just for you.”
“Like I said, sneaky and mean.” She brought her shovel to her shoulder and I took a moment to gauge the radius of the handle and how far I’d have to jump if she took a swing at me. The hole we’d dug was almost big enough for two.
“Now baby, you know I’m just kidding.”
“That’s not kidding, that’s being passive-aggressive.” She turned her eyes on me. “Now look here.”
“No.” I averted my gaze. “I don’t want to be hypnotized or X-rayed. There ought to be a law against your evil eye.”
“Huh. If I could really see through you, I’d get a glimpse of some reptile, all scaly and squinty-eyed from being underground so long he forgot how to be human.”
“I’ve got a right to my privacy.”
“You sleep in my bed, you have no rights and no secrets. You obey me. There are no safe words. You do not fuck with me unless invited.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And do not take a sarcastic tone with me.”
“Baby, I don’t want to fight. We’re just talking. I want to understand why they hate us so much.”
“Do you?”
Sybil put down her shovel and took off her sweater, revealing only a thin T-shirt beneath. Because it was a warm night and she’d been working the shovel hard, the T-shirt was wet and clung to her breasts like a moist cheesecloth over freshly-kneaded loaves of bread.
She spread her sweater on the ground a few feet from the hole. “Come here and I’ll show you.”
“Is this some kind of black magic thing, what with the full moon and a fresh corpse and all?”
“Shut up and get naked.”
A coyote or a wolf, something hungry, howled from not too far away. A chill went up my tailbone, but I didn’t run. Safety in numbers, even if we were only two. We were both triple Scorpios, after all, so we were practically a six-pack.
She shucked off her jeans, stretched out on her sweater and writhed like a snake in the moonlight. I joined her there among the pine needles and we made love like wild things, scaring off all the animals in the forest.
Maybe that’s why they love to hate us.
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Alan Annand is a writer and astrologer with the moon in Scorpio. Find his New Age Noir series and other mystery novels at Amazon, Apple, Barnes&Noble, Kobo and Smashwords.
“If you like thrillers and detective stories, this one is a terrific read. It’s fast-paced and has plenty of twists and turns – as well as enough astrology and palmistry – to keep you flipping the pages.” ~ NCGR newsletter
Available at Amazon, Apple, Barnes&Noble, Kobo and Smashwords.
Alan Annand is an astrologer and writer of crime fiction. His New Age Noir series features astrologer Axel Crowe, whom one reviewer dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.” Read reviews for Scorpio Rising (#1), buy it or Felonious Monk (#2) at: Amazon, Apple, Barnes&Noble, Flipkart, Kobo & Smashwords
STELLAR ASTROLOGY by Alan Annand: applications of jyotish (Vedic astrology).
This is a compilation of essays on techniques, in-depth celebrity profiles, and analysis of mundane events. A highly informative reference work intended for serious students of astrology, it is written in a clear and lively style by an astrologer experienced in both western and Vedic systems.
Available in ebook form for $2.99 or its equivalent via Amazon, Apple, Barnes&Noble, Flipkart, Kobo and Smashwords.
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Alan Annand is a graduate of the American College of Vedic Astrology and the British Faculty of Astrological Studies. He is both a practicing astrologer and a writer of crime fiction. His NEW AGE NOIR series (Scorpio Rising, Felonious Monk, Soma County) features astrologer Axel Crowe, whom one reviewer dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.”
Websites: www.navamsa.com, www.sextile.com
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Alan Annand is a graduate of the American College of Vedic Astrology and the British Faculty of Astrological Studies. For a compilation of his writings (astrological techniques, in-depth celebrity profiles, and analysis of mundane events) see his book Stellar Astrology. His NEW AGE NOIR crime fiction series (Scorpio Rising, Felonious Monk, Soma County) features astrologer/palmist Axel Crowe, whom one reviewer dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.”
Websites: http://www.navamsa.com, http://www.sextile.com
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This book review, written by Chris Lorenz, appears in the April 2015 issue of Dell Horoscope.
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A freelance reporter for The Village Voice gets into trouble when he follows an ex-CIA agent to a spiritual retreat in Vermont. One afternoon he confronts the former agent, accusing him of smuggling stolen foreign antiquities. That night, the reporter is murdered. The ashram manager is accused of the crime but fortunately his friend, astrologer Axel Crowe, believes in his innocence and sets out to find the real culprit.
The drama thus unfolds in Felonious Monk, the second of Alan Annand’s “New Age Noir” series. Annand’s hero is not only adept at astrology, but also understands how to use synchronicity to his advantage. He can read palms from a distance and, as a former student of “Guruji”, his thoughts and actions are guided by ancient wisdom. Guruji has also taught him some martial arts, which Crowe has several occasions to use over the course of the story. But this New Age hero also has modern tools to assist him. Want to know who killed the reporter? There’s an app for that.
At 6:05 AM, Crowe opens the astrology app on his cell phone and asks the question, “Whodunnit?” Now for those who enjoy some good crime fiction, Felonious Monk fits the bill. The book is written almost entirely from the sleuth’s point of view as he works day and night in the shadowy underworld, fighting off surprise attacks and uncovering key clues, much like Sam Spade or Mike Hammer. And for the reader who appreciates a touch of mysticism, Felonious Monk also satisfies, especially with the attention given to Eastern religion, the good and bad karma, and the periodic sage quotes from Guruji.
Those with various astrology backgrounds may be stumped by the kind of astrology used in Felonious Monk. Crowe uses the Vedic horoscope, which does not include the outer planets Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto, yet he also frequently uses horary principles. This detective arrives at magical deductions from the horary question, “Whodunnit?” but then horary astrology does seem quite magical in the hands of an experienced practitioner.
We’re introduced to Crowe’s apparent superpowers in chapter two. He’s giving a lecture on the ancient roots of astrology in India. During the Q&A session a skeptical professor asks, “Can you tell me how many kids I have?” After some snappy exchanges about the merits of the question, Crowe finally states, “You have three children. Boy-girl-boy in that order.” Astonishingly, he’s correct, and the professor shamefully exits. Afterwards, we find out the secret of how Crowe knew the answer. Three questions were asked before the professor’s question, and they were asked by a man, a woman, and another man. The New Age detective connected the dots between the previous three questions and the professor’s children.
Does that actually work in the real world? The narrative is filled with the protagonist’s internal dialogue reminding readers that everything is connected to everything else. His classic film-noir antagonism with the police is partially shaped by his astrological portrait of the killer, since he can’t tell the police his knowledge is based on a horary question. In the end, he defeats the killer and locates the missing Buddha statue with another horary question. This is not a spoiler, since we know the killer’s bad karma will eventually catch up with him.
It’s the journey through the pages of this book that is the most rewarding, enjoyable, and sometimes frightening. Crowe’s search takes him to Thailand, where he meets several fascinating characters. We see the culture’s poverty and how it makes some of its people immoral and treacherous. And we see the spiritual side of Thailand, its ancient temples and spiritual vistas. Crowe gets little sleep during his jaunts, but he apparently regenerates himself through yoga and meditation. Are Crowe’s amazing abilities unique to him, or are they available to anyone who has the right teacher and a good understanding of astrology? Let me know when you find out.
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Alan Annand is a Canadian astrologer and palmist with an education spanning both eastern and western astrology. He has diplomas from the American College of Vedic Astrology, as well as the British Faculty of Astrological Studies for whom he was their North American correspondence tutor for several years.
He is also a writer of crime fiction, including his NEW AGE NOIR series (Scorpio Rising, Felonious Monk, Soma County) featuring astrologer and palmist Axel Crowe, whom one reviewer has dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.”
Websites: www.navamsa.com, www.sextile.com
Read the highlighted reviews of Scorpio Rising on Pinterest.
Buy Annand’s New Age Noir series and other crime fiction on Amazon, Apple, Barnes&Noble, Flipkart, Kobo and Smashwords.
~~~~~~~~~
Alan Annand is an astrologer and writer of crime fiction, including his New Age Noir series featuring astrologer and palmist Axel Crowe, a criminal profiler whom one reviewer dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.”
Read reviews for Scorpio Rising (#1), buy it or Felonious Monk (#2) at:
Alan Annand is an astrologer and writer of crime fiction, including his New Age Noir series featuring astrologer and palmist Axel Crowe, a criminal profiler whom one reviewer dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.”
Read reviews for Scorpio Rising (#1), buy it or Felonious Monk (#2) at: