Jackson Pollock (b. Jan 28): “The strangeness will wear off…”

28 Jan

pollock

“The strangeness will wear off and I think we will discover the deeper meanings in modern art.”

~ Jackson Pollock, b. 28 January 1912

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Sarah McLachlan (b. Jan 28): “Love large, hurt large.”

28 Jan

mclachlan2

“If you love large, you’ve got to hurt large. If you’ve got a lot of light, you’ve probably got an equal amount of darkness.”

~ Sarah McLachlan, b. 28 January 1968

 

Mercury Retrograde Winter Retreat

28 Jan

wolfgirlEvery blue moon or so, Mercury retrograde looms as a triple seasonal menace – this year, a holiday hangover of unpaid credit card bills, polar vortex weather, and more terrorists in the news than you can shake a Bible at. Times like this, you need to get away, as deep into the soft underbelly of your wounded psyche as a hibernating bear in a boreal snow bank.

cp train in snowBut forget about going south, because fun in the sun will only distract you from the mindfulness necessary to understand your sorry existence. To contemplate your navel fuzz in total isolation, please consider our Mercury Retrograde Winter Retreat, nestled deep in the Canadian hinterland, accessible only by a torturous train ride from Toronto.

hotel-kakslauttanen-igloo-village-leadOur igloo village hermitage is an oasis of self-imposed exile, buffered from the world by a 10-foot wall of pristine sub-Arctic snow pack. Here you can ride out the astrological affective disorder known as Mercury Retrograde Syndrome, a psychological malaise that recurs three times a year, bringing much of western society’s rational thinking to a grinding halt.

Kakslauttanen-Hotel-Igloo-Village-in-Saariselka-Finland_CROPEach guest igloo is constructed in the form of a geodesic dome with tempered thermo-pane glass. Our trademarked design provides superlative shielding from high-intensity northern lights, harmful radiation of Mercury Retrograde, and frequent assaults by marauding polar bears foraging for tourists.

KakslauttanenHotelandIglooVillage633819529408960860_Big1Not only the upper atmosphere gets excited by solar flares at high latitudes. Thanks to the ambient room temperature of 40F (4C) maintained in all guest igloos, you and your retreat companion will have little choice but to share your body heat. Many couples report having more sex during Mercury Retrograde winter retreats than they actually even wanted. You’re welcome!

igloohotel_CROPFor those who come to the hermitage alone, room service will provide hot water bottles filled with your choice of mulled wines, grog, hot toddies or high-proof cider. For a small extra fee, our qualified staff can set you up with an IV drip or a therapeutic enema.

ice-swimmingOur lakeside spa offers crystal-clear water chilled to within a few degrees of hypothermia. After emerging from near-death immersion, you’ll be gratefully reborn as attendants whip circulation back into your body, using birch branches blessed by a local shaman. Brandy, cognac, schnapps and other anti-coagulants are available from the patio bar.

eskimo_pieSince Mercury Retrograde already provides adequate food for thought, we’re not into the whole culinary thing. But our cafeteria is open 24/7, with a limited range of tasty fast food. Try our Polar Pizza (wolverine salami with seal cheese), Boreal Burgers (minced caribou with a heart-smart spread of lichens) and our perennial dessert favorite – Eskimo Pie.

hairy_leg_stockingsAlthough the Mercury Retrograde Hermitage is designed to insulate guests from both the world and their fellow refugees, we offer evening leg wrestling and snuggle sessions in our communal lounge. Every sign in the zodiac (even Virgo and Scorpio) is welcome to enjoy the ambiance of our coal-fired braziers. And for those who neglected to pack adequate clothing, complimentary leg warmers, hand-woven by Inuit artisans from hypo-allergenic muskrat hides, are available in a limited range of hair densities.

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Our guest igloos have no phone, TV, radio, WiFi or cellular reception to distract you from your introspective sojourn. So just lie back on your mattress of organic cedar boughs and enjoy an unobstructed view of the northern stars, the contemplation of which will remind you of your insignificance in the face of the cosmos.

Mercury Retrograde – when you just need an excuse to do absolutely nothing for three weeks.

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Alan Varanasi @ 50%Alan Annand is an astrologer and writer of crime fiction, including his New Age Noir series featuring astrologer and palmist Axel Crowe, a criminal profiler whom one reviewer dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.”

Read reviews for Scorpio Rising (#1), buy it or Felonious Monk (#2) at: Amazon, Apple, Barnes&Noble, Flipkart, KoboSmashwords

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (b. Jan 27): “One must not make oneself cheap…”

27 Jan

mozart

“One must not make oneself cheap here – that is a cardinal point – or else one is done. Whoever is most impertinent has the best chance.”

~ Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, b. 27 January 1756

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/39406565463542067/

 

Ellen DeGeneres (b. Jan 26): “Find out who you are and be that person.”

26 Jan

degeneres

“Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.”

~ Ellen DeGeneres, b. 26 January 1958

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/39406565463533443/

 

Alicia Keys (b. Jan 25): “I love kick boxing. It’s a lot of fun.”

25 Jan

Keys

“I love kick boxing. It’s a lot of fun. It gives you a lot of confidence when you can kick somebody in the head.”
~ Alicia Keys, b. 25 January 1981

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/39406565463528690/ 

 

The world’s most interesting astrologer: retrograde

24 Jan

retrograde

Alan Annand is an astrologer and writer of crime fiction, including his New Age Noir series featuring astrologer and palmist Axel Crowe, a criminal profiler whom one reviewer dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.”

Read reviews for Scorpio Rising (#1), buy it or Felonious Monk (#2) at:

Amazon, Apple, Barnes&Noble, Flipkart, KoboSmashwords

Alan Varanasi @ 50%

John Belushi (b. Jan 24): “I guess happiness is not a state you want to be in all the time.”

24 Jan

Belushi

“I guess happiness is not a state you want to be in all the time.”

~  John Belushi, b. 24 January 1949

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/39406565463519643/

 

Mariska Hargitay (b. Jan 23): “You’ve got to kick fear to the side…”

23 Jan

Hargitay

“You’ve got to kick fear to the side, because the payoff is huge.”

~ Mariska Hargitay, b 23 January 1964

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Sir Francis Bacon (b. Jan 22): “Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not…”

22 Jan

Bacon_CROP

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.”

~ Sir Francis Bacon, b. 22 January 1561

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/39406565463508922/