Tag Archives: book review

Madame Ovary, by Dr. Gustave Flaubert (humor)

14 Jul

The life and loves, and death of Emma Ovary, a beautiful woman married to a small town gynecologist, Charles. Dissatisfied with her marriage, Emma has a series of reckless love affairs which eventually lead to a nasty fungus, marital ruin and death from sexual exhaustion.

Charles Ovary, the only son of a middle class family, becomes a gynecologist and sets up a practice in a rural village. He consents to a marriage of convenience with an older woman who owns the building where he rents an office. When she dies, he marries the daughter of a patient with a history of yeast infections.

For a little while, young Emma is delighted to be the wife of the only gynecologist in the county, and enjoys listening to her husband’s after-dinner shop talk about genital warts, incontinence, irregular menstruation and uterine fibroids. After awhile, however, Emma becomes envious of those other vaginas being probed by her husband while hers, a model of feminine health, offers little mystery or challenge for Charles. Despondent, Emma becomes anorexic and refuses to eat.

In an effort to revive their marriage, Charles relocates his practice to a larger town where society life promises to perk up Emma’s spirits. Almost immediately after she gives birth to a daughter, she falls in love with Leon, a paralegal she meets when she and Charles revise their wills.

When Leon goes off to law school, lonely Emma completely abandons her duties as wife and mother and embarks on an adulterous affair with Rudolph, a local businessman who owns a chain of dairy farms and blacksmith shops. When he abandons her for a younger lover, Emma discovers she’s acquired genital herpes.

Because she can’t reveal her infidelity to her husband, she goes to another doctor in the city and by chance runs into Leon again. Still hoping to be cured of her herpes, she returns to the city again and again, ostensibly for shopping sprees and culture appreciation, when in fact she simply rents rooms in expensive hotels and indulges her libido with Leon.

With his help she gains a power of attorney over her husband’s bank accounts, and runs up huge debts. When the creditors come knocking, Emma turns to Rudolph for a loan, but he refuses to help her. In despair, Emma returns to the city and Leon, where she takes an overdose of Spanish Fly and goes out in an orgy of passion, dying of sexual exhaustion.

Great Expectorations, by Dr. Charles Dickens (humor)

30 Mar

A young man of no prospects goes to the big City where, thanks to poor urban planning and non-existent labor rights, he suffers a multitude of bronchial infections brought on by smoke, pollution, fungus and virus.

Pip, an orphan of poor prospects, can’t complete his apprenticeship in a blacksmith shop because of an allergy to horseshit. His patron uncle sends him to London to live with the reclusive Miss Havisham who, jilted many years ago on her wedding day, still wears her bridal gown. Her wedding cake, which she’s saved all these years, has turned to mould and infected the entire house.

Pip falls in love with Estella, a beautiful young girl with a phlegmy cough. Pip has a nasty reaction to the fungus in the house and develops a bronchial infection whose coughing nearly turns his lungs inside out. Miss Havisham takes an interest in Pip’s future and introduces him to better society. In their company, Pip takes up smoking, which further aggravates his cough. Some of his newfound friends take to calling him “Spit”. When his sister dies of coal cough, a common ailment among residents of poorly-ventilated homes, Pip goes home for her funeral.

Returning to London, he’s approached by the convict Magwitch whom he’d helped escape from chains many years ago. Magwitch, who’s made a fortune running an opium den in Australia, is back in England seeking medical attention for viral pneumonia, but wants to bequeath part of his fortune to Pip. Soon after, Pip learns that Miss Havisham has been secretly planning to marry his beloved Estella off to a rival suitor, and they quarrel bitterly. Miss Havisham’s dress catches on fire and Pip is only able to save her by ripping her dress off. Exposed, Miss Havisham is traumatized and falls into a catatonic state. Magwitch is captured by the police and sentenced to die.

While visiting him in his damp prison cell, Pip develops an allergic reaction to moldy rodent droppings, and falls seriously ill. He spends a month in hospital, wracked by violent coughs, filling spittoons with fragments of his ravaged lungs. When he recovers enough to travel, Pip relocates to the dry climate of Cairo for eleven years. When he returns to London a rich man, he finds Estella now a widow with a mild case of whooping cough, and he rekindles their friendship by gifting her with a family-size bottle of expectorant.