Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (b. May 22): “Life itself is always far more daring than the imagination.”

22 May


“For strange effects and extraordinary combinations we must go to life itself, which is always far more daring than any effort of the imagination.”
~ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, b. 22 May 1859

Naomi Campbell (b. May 22): “Why do I have to wear underwear?”

22 May


“I don’t always wear underwear. When I’m in the heat, especially, I can’t wear it. Like, if I’m wearing a flower dress, why do I have to wear underwear?”

~ Naomi Campbell, b. 22 May 1970

For an astrological exposé of Naomi Campbell and her anger management issues, see:



Top three reasons Letterman ended his Late Show

21 May


Fats Waller (b. May 21): “If you don’t know what it is, don’t mess with it.”

21 May


“If you don’t know what it is, don’t mess with it.”

~ Fats Waller, b. 21 May 1904


Timothy Olyphant (b. May 20): “I’m attracted to roles that are unpredictable…”

20 May


“I’m attracted to roles that are unpredictable, and if I can get my hands on something like that, I’m thrilled. I like performances where you don’t know what’s coming, moment to moment.”

~ Timothy Olyphant, b. 20 May 1968

Cher (b. May 20): “The longer I look good, the better gay men feel.”

20 May


“I think that the longer I look good, the better gay men feel.”
~ Cher, b. 20 May 1946

Mercury Retrograde Sex

20 May vegas2

20 ways to show the love during Mercury Rx… 

As an astrologer, I get a lot of calls this time of year from clients asking whether it’s appropriate to have sex while Mercury is retrograde. For these three weeks, they worry their guy won’t be able to get his mojo working, or if he does, the condom will catch on fire, or even if it doesn’t, she won’t get no satisfaction… People wonder, maybe it’s not worth trying at all?

Nonsense. Don’t let that schizophrenic little planet dictate your sex life. Learn to work with it. During retrograde periods, simply honor Mercury by invoking the classic themes associated with the trickster planet. Follow these practical guidelines and you’re guaranteed to get off to a good start:


Have phone sex. Gemini loves to talk, and Virgo hates a mess anyway. Call up a friend and tell them how you like it.

phones sex

Start a sex diary. Even if you’re not getting it regularly now, you’ll probably enjoy reliving a few memories from your college days.


Read erotica, alone or to each other – Anais Nin, The Joy of Sex, Henry Miller, the Kama Sutra. Not at your book club, or you’ll be getting home late.


Sext someone. Show your love with proper spelling and grammar. Nothing betrays lack of class like a note at the end saying, Did u cum 2?


Use your hands. Mercury is notoriously ambidextrous, so if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. Even if it’s only you.


Restrict the senses. Wear a blindfold and earplugs to rediscover the other senses – smell, taste, touch and shameless gratification.


Dive headfirst into a wet dream. Love is an illusion anyway, so go deep, go surreal or go home alone.

wet dream

Take a Sex Ed course, demand extra homework and ask for private tutoring. You just might become the next teacher’s pet.

sex ed

Do it with mirrors. Mercury is all about duplication and self-reflection. Even if you don’t live in California, you two can make a foursome.


Do it in cars, boats, trains, planes, bunk beds, elevators, libraries, bookstores or stationery supply rooms. Be careful on the photocopier.

car sex

Record yourself in bed. If you don’t look that great on video, try a podcast. On audio everyone will think you’re just a cat in heat anyway.


Let other people watch. Except your kids, unless you can afford several years of therapy for their wounded psyches.


You don’t have to wait for the weekend. Wednesday is hump day.

hump day

Renew your marriage vows in Vegas, just for the second honeymoon sex.


If you live in the Appalachians, share your love with a sibling, cousin or uncle.


Do it with twins. Geminis come in pairs, so why shouldn’t you?


Dance the night away. It might take two to tango, but if you still wanna, you can always lambada — down and dirty on the dancefloor.


Mercury loves games of logic and skill, so try your hand at strip poker — Texas Shuck ‘em, deuces wild.


Confess your cardinal sins to someone who has none.

nun 2

 Use your head. Be a cunning linguist.



MERx yield

???????????????????????????????Alan Annand is an astrologer as well as a writer of humor and crime fiction. His Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten tickled the funny bone of astrological aficionados everywhere. His New Age Noir series (Scorpio RisingFelonious MonkSoma County) features astrologer Axel Crowe, whom one reviewer dubbed “Sherlock Holmes with a horoscope.”




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